Faith

Dear You,

I met this boy a year ago. My life was a big mess, everything was crashing down. My grandfather died, my parents got divorced. I was doing every single thing wrong. I was hanging out with the wrong people, doing stupid things. I really didn’t care anymore..He appeared at that right moment. I just saw him at my highschool entrance and (believe it or not), in the back of my mind I knew it was him. A day later, I found out that he was a friend of a boy I knew and a few days later, that boy introduced us. From then on, we talked every single day. I would be with my girls waiting at the school’s front door so that I could see him before I went home. He would take me to the bus stop and we would stay there for hours just talking.. Everytime we locked eyes, i felt butterflies in my stomach. If he’d touch me, i’d get chills all over my body. The world just stopped when he was around. My eyes would secretly photograph each and every little bit of him. I would smile alone everytime I’d think about him. I saw him everywhere.He gave me peace, the calm that was needing for so long. He touched my soul with his simplicity, with his kindness towards everyone. He always listened and tried to help me. Do you know that person that everybody loves? that just has carisma and that’s always smiling and making people laugh? That’s him and he was there for me like no one else was. I had found him. The one. We started dating and it was so much fun! We really did have a great time together. We enjoyed ourselves, and we truly meant it. I started missing him when he was not around, like something in me was missing. It even hurt. I realised I was in love with him and I knew he was too. It was all so simple.. Things just naturally grew stronger. It wasn’t forced or anything like that. We fell for each other. I realised I could not take it anymore. I needed him to be mine, my boy. And I could not wait anymore. So, on January 21th, I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend (until this day he says he did). I think that was the biggest adrenaline rush I’ve ever had in my entire life. But he said yes! We couldn’t get enough of each other and I never felt so happy. I wanted to tell the whole world how good life was, I wanted to be good, to do good, to make him proud. I left those crazy old times and I started reconstructing my life. Someday I decided to tell my mom that I met this boy, tell her how great he made me feel, how good looking he is, how sweet and special he is, and most of all.. What a GREAT guy he is. I took a deep breathe and I told her everything. She asked me his name, where he was from, how he was.. And I told her. I never expected that she would react as she did. I never knew how racist she was and when I told her he is black, she just lost it. She could not take it. From then on, my life was a hell. She just couldn’t accept the fact that I was in love with the man he is and not with his skin colour. I stood by him. I defended him from it all. I refused to let him go.She sent me to live him my father.I did it all for him.I couldn’t lose him for such a retarded mind.I started being afraid of losing him because of what I did. I wouldn’t bear to imagine he could drop me for some other girl. I became obcessed. I was jealous of every single girl that would get close to him. I was scared. He went through it all with me, by my side. Always concerned about my mom. He did everything to make me feel secure and safe. But I couldn’t.And when we were very close to our first aniversary he gave up on me. He was tired of my stupid attitudes..Now, he says he still loves me with all of his heart but he just can’t be with me anymore.I took sometime to think about myself and I realised what I should have known forever. That if he was with me, it was because he really loved me. If he stood by my side through all the hard times, if we stood together through all the hell, the fights.. If he was there to dry my tears and to make me feel that everything was going to be ok, he loved me deeply. And he didn’t deserved all I put him through. We deserved peace and time to enjoy our beautiful love.But it’s too late right? I’m trying as hard as i’ve ever tried anything, to rebuild our relationship, to show him that i’ve changed. That I understand him and that I respect him. But he says he can’t be with me.The point is, i know he’s the love of my life. I could write pages about what we lived together, but words cannot describe it good enough.I found him and I can’t lose him. And I know I’m his woman. I know I’m the one for him..I just wished I could change his mind. Prove him it’s gonna be different, the way we deserve it.My strengh is starting to give in.. I don’t know what to do. I just hope someday he will realise that we are meant to be.. I just hope someday he can forgive and forget. I just want him to be happy and above all, I just want to make him happy and enjoy life by his side.

I don’t ask for help, because I know you can’t help. But please, keep your fingers crossed for us. I’ll make it right and I want to believe, sooner or later, we will be together, stronger than ever.I love him. With all my heart. For life.

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