Make me a better one

I feel like letting out some stuff here.

Im just not happy with myself. They say, youve gotta love yourself first before you can love someone else. But... I just don't feel it. Im not happy with what i did for the past years. Mixed with the wrong kind of companions and i was too naive. That, made me what i am today; a freak who is paranoid with almost everything. When someone says a lil sarcasm and i feel offended as if, he/she is cursing my parents. Yknow.. that kind of stuff. So sensitive. Whenever my boyfriend says something in a 'harsh' manner (i mean, pfft he's alr like that!) i will either feel so scared or mad. Mad at him for not saying nicely.

And i think too much. Think too much of what people will say about me.

And, i always have this guilty feeling whenever i let out my true feelings to someone (yea especially to the boyfriend) I mean, i prefer having a relationship that is open. Though the truth's gonna hurt, i will try to get over it sooner or later. Not hide it from me and i have to ask a lot of questions till he opens up. Just not my kinda thing. Although i was saying the truth, i will feel guilty cause i'm afraid of hurting him, other people. Although.. although to someone whom i don't like at all, i will feel guilty as well. It's just stupid.

I used to be a cheerful girl. Very optimistic

These years have been torturing (though there were sweet, awesome moments with friends, family and him) I will be sucha pessimist. It's like there's nothing positive to think about in life now (complete and utter bullshit) tsk, im still trying my very best to be optimistic.

And again, ive issues with my body. I used to be insecure about my body because of my rashes back in primary and secondary school. Now when im in poly, people will just comment on how skinny i am and how much weight i need to gain. It's annoying. Oh hoh, i wished i was fair. Fair like boyfriend's sister? Fair like SNSD? -.-" Fair like Lee? Fair like Jessica Alba? Just.. fairer. (Need to become like MJ now)

I know i need to appreciate my body because, others who are not normal would die to have a body like you and mine because ours are alr 'perfect' to them. But please, stop telling me how skinny i look and stuff like that. Ive been trying hard to gain weight now. So demoralising yknow!

And for your information, exercising helps to gain weight too!

Future? I can see what i will be working as in the years to come. First thing to buy with all of my savings; maybe a car? I know mini is too expensive for a first car. But who knows? Heh heh.

My awesome friends, thanks for being there for me. My sexy; Happy Birthday in advance! Hehe. Meet me on Weds please ♥